A Letter to My Ex.
It’s all sunk in now. I’m really angry. I’m really hurt, too. But I can tell what the difference is, this time around. The difference, this time around, is that I can’t get myself to fight anymore. I’ve fought time and time again for you, for us, but that’s over now. Nothing in my body has the strength to do it one more time, and that’s probably for the best, as we’ve cut contact yet again. I don’t think I could handle another breakdown from the lack of contact, so it is quite relieving to not be constantly anxious this time around. This time around, I don’t want to get back together with you. Ever. As my girl Taylor wrote, “I used to think we were forever, and I used to say never say never”. This time, it really is, never. I don’t want you anymore. Why? Because, I deserve more than you. It pains me to say that, and I wish so much it wasn’t true, but I do. I deserve more than a boy that is confused. I deserve more than a boy that doesn’t appreciate the lights that spark up in my eyes when he enters a room. I deserve more than a changing his mind at the flip of a switch. I deserve more than a guy that may have feelings for someone else.I deserve a better end to 3 years of talking than a text that says “I’m not cool with it anymore.” And you know what feels so fucking great? I do not give one shit if you and Stephanie are anything, anymore. Honestly, if things are working out well for you in these last two months, I am happy for the both of you. Three years of sexual tension must be a great thing to finally be able to partake in. And I’m just happy you’re happy. Because at the end of the day, I’ve never cared for anyone as much as I’ve cared for you & still obviously do, but this time in a different way. I want you to be happy, even if it’s without me because we couldn’t do it the other way . I just hope you always stay as cheerful as you’ve been because your smile is one of the most charming I’ve ever seen. Sure, stray thoughts of you come into my head more frequently than I’m comfortable with, but hopefully those subside soon. Maybe one day we can have a relationship similar to that of you & Katie. Because I’ll always be curious about you & I’ll always want to know how you’re doing. I loved you, so very much. It’s okay if you never read this, but I’m giving you a chance to, if you care to. Hope you’re doing well, Derulo. I’m doing well - getting myself situated & trying to move forward from this learning experience. It’s unfortunate that we must cut all contact - you know how I love to know how you’re doing - but I understand the need for space. Just wanted you to know that I’m really okay with us ending things, and I’m really ok with us not being romantic with each other anymore because I’m really ok with the fact that you can’t be in a relationship. I understand. And I want you to do you. I want you to be happy. If you’re ever comfortable enough to, shoot me a text and let me know how you’re doing. I’m also ALWAYS here for you if you actually ever need me. Just a phone call away. Other than that, take care of yourself, Jason. I love you, so much and I know you’ll do great things. See you later.